Saturday, March 26, 2005

my life... my passion...

jazz & blues
9" x 11"
acrylic on recycled paper

I was going through some stuff and came across one of my work in 2002.... I though I'd share it.


Time to talk about my new shrink!
She is in my age range, young and sassy and I feel comfortable with her more than my first one. I actually look forward to seeing her even if I have to pay for her services. I little fucked up even in my world. Now you have to pay for somebody to really listen! What has the world come to. But time is money and it takes precious time to listen to a raving lunatic.
She discovered my one true passion. A passion that have stayed loyal to me and have not betrayed me in any way, shape or form. Literally! She asked me to bring my painting portfolio and I did. I expected her to compliment me of course, and compliment me she did. Although from all the compliments and critics I have heard, what she said I have never heard about my work before. She said...

"I love you work! It's colorful, expressive, emotional. But there is nothing here that is about you. It's all about him."

Is that true? Have I lived the last eight years of my life under the shadow of the man I loved and the real me have eluded existance? Was I in denial all this years. Here I am thinking that when I met him I found me and now I am lost becuase I lost him! But I never really had him to begin with. It is a painful thought to hear it with such conviction. She praised me on how tough I am and how I have managed to go on with all the harshness of life that befell me. But why do I feel weak and breaking every moment? Do I live in such a lie that I can't even see truth when it is an ince from my face?
I have stayed steadfast to almost everything I believe in but I find myself questioning even the mere reason of my being.
I am once again in a cocoon of transition hoping to one day wake up as a mariposa.

Friday, March 25, 2005

to sue or not to sue... that is the question!

Let me just say that I am a very open minded individual who does not easily take offense on almost anything.

I have people I've worked with who in any normal sense could be considered sexually harrassing me but in turn I take it as a compliment. I almost always try to turn situations into a positive and that makes my days smoother than it really is.

There are situations though that makes such a turn around almost impossible!

Today, I have received an e-mail that was not meant for me to read. One of our supplier's representative is leaving his company and have decided that he should forward my contact information to his colleague taking over his account. This is what he said...
"When you drop by to (my companies name), make sure you meet Jhoiey, she is the
little hot panhead."
Now, it took me awhile to digest this statement. I didn't know what panhead meant. I know what hot means and although that is an adjective I would normally would like to here a guy describe me... NOT IN THE WORKPLACE! from someone I don't know in a personal level and who needs to be respecting me as a designer! I have met the imbecile twice when he dropped by our office delivering some samples. Talked to him on the phone 3 times max when I call to request samples. Exchanged e-mails no more than 4 times, when I am again - requesting samples. All those times, I have been straight forward and very business-like. So therefore, I cannot take that as a compliment. Besides, I don't think it was necessary for him to tell his co-worker that before he even met me. He just defamed me! How could I expect to be treated with respect by that person? Notwithstanding, panhead being a racial slur!
Clearly a double whammy! Not just was I sexually harrass, I was also racially discriminated!
I am pissed beyond belief. I went to our HR and informed them of what happened. This will be taken all the way up becuase the corporation I work at takes zero tolerance on sexual harrassment and any other sort of discrimination.
Now, the question is --- how far do I take it to get my point across to that moron that I do not appreciate being treated that way!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Full Moon Body Worlds 2

full moon by the Norm's sign

This was taken last March 26 while driving with Deedee along Venice Boulevard on our way to the last midnight for Body Worlds 2. We got there after one o'clock in the wee hours of the morning and got out at 6 a.m. when the sun had already risen.

We really bonded that night.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

playing catch up

I am on my way to cross the street to work and I'm hoping I actually get some work done today since yesterday was all playing catch up after being out of the office for 3 days. I have some more to write about how karma and GOD works in some wonderful ways. HE does look out for me!!!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

at work...

I flew to JFK airport with a colleague last Wednesday (03/09) and we drove to the hotel. We got there just at the nick of time to get what was suppose to be our dinner. The next day was a "dog eat dog" meeting with the corporate jerk-offs (I shouldn't say that... after all I am one of them now!). I swear, if you don't have a hard stomach, they could make you cry in two minutes flat. I think I handled myself pretty well, although I must admit that I need to expand my vocabulary and be more articulate in these type of meetings. I always let drawings speak for themselves but sometimes, it's just not enough, you also have to learn to sell yourself.

Disclaimer: Please note that these are merely renderings of a design proposal. People and brands shown are depictions and by no means meant to represent something real.



Before the trip, I tried to finish the renderings above that I did starting from midnight to 6 a.m. the day we left.... I know... I'm crazy that way but let me see if anyone could figure out why I enjoyed myself too much...

The whole Thursday was pretty much spent in the meeting and then dinner at night at this nice, classy restaurant called Zinc. I sat next to the second biggest huncho and made sure I did my share of ass kissing. No! I didn't really do that. I sat next to him because I had to make sure he hears a piece of my mind. I didn't leave that meeting earlier without getting his precious signature to approve our drawings

Friday was more walking the jobsite and taking pictures...

at the construction site w/o a hardhat...

No other time spent to look around and know the town. But I am sure that this is not my last trip to Connecticut. I might even be assigned there for awhile. The proximity to New York is enough to entice me. Here are some of the personal photos I took outside tge hotel:

Sunday, March 06, 2005


Single white guy who does not want commitment and is willing to be a rebound.
Requirements: plenty of outdoors activity & plentier unadulterated s*x.
Emotions a no-no and please, no baggage. I don't need any more drama! I have had enough for a lifetime.
I decided to spend last one orgasmic weekend with my almost ex. Fine, I'll admit that I had my hopes up for 2 seconds but that got killed in less than the hopes were up. This is why I need therapy people! I need to face the fact that there is no teaching an old dog a new and boring trick! The guy is an ultimate womanizer and I gave him a one way ticket to a new and better bachelorhood! New bitchin' pad in Brentwood, above San Vicente, a new career in architectural model making with a top corporation as a client, the know how to be in that business and freedom from marriage! Here I was thinking that leaving on his own would lead him to realize how much I mean to him.... sure! I am nothing but a great fuck for him, oh and an invaluable resource.
I was in happy hour with some guys from work last Friday and when they found out that the model maker is my almost ex-husband... they all want to covet me as ex-wife... not because I am so great, it's because I have "STUPID" written all over my forehead.
Oh, well... after a good massage and an infinite "O"... I walked away, with tears, yes... tears knowing that I would discipline myself to make this the REAL LAST ONE. More tears and screaming in the car... but as soon as I walked in my HOME SWEET HOME.... I smiled like a crazy woman and thanked the LORD for the revelation and the infinite chances to be truly independent. Who needs a man now a days anyway? I just need to be battery-operated inept.
Let me give myself some useful therapy here.... look in the mirror - convince yourself that you are beautiful --- okay... you are still young... you LOOK young... you are smart... independent... talented... with a great career ahead of you! Right? I can do this... I can do this...
One more time - say it with me---- I CAN DO THIS!
That was good... now take a deep breathe and MOVE ON!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

digging happy thoughts

i share my laughter, mostly my tears...
although my mind is clouded...
i do have memories still...
some of them caught in film...

i even have the vaguest idea of how a whole family should be...
at one point in time...
i made it real...
not just by gifts but...
by the smiles...
and yet again...
it was recorded in film...

Reminder: "Stop digging for nothing!"