Wednesday, August 04, 2004

signed... sealed... and would be delivered!

I finally signed the petition for divorce. My hands were shaking. I didn't think I would be able to sign my name. I decided to keep his last name just cause... Well, I have used that name since I moved here. It was kind of a new beginning to a new place and I loved the sound of it and --- what the f#ck!!! Here goes... I still do love him. That is very hard to admit and admitting it doesn't mean I'll come running back to my married life. I have gone this far and I am not turning back. I just needed to be honest on how I feel, that's all. Getting divorce doesn't mean that I stopped loving him. It just meant --- I could no longer be with him committed and sincere when I can't even be invited in his inner being. There is so much going on in my head and in my body...
Anyway, I have to keep this short because I could keep on going on this but I limit myself only a few drop of tears a week and I already did that last night.
I just hope that... he opens up the way he really should when he finds someone again... I hope I could open up the way I did when I decide to be with someone again. I just hope that we both find our happiness.
I just know that all this is for the better --- for both of us!