Tuesday, August 17, 2004

playing Mom...

Monday and Tuesday has been a learning experience. Now, I am question whether my plans to be a single Mom to give my reproductive capacity a once over after my forced menopause is a plausible idea. I always thought it would be such a waste if I never have children. I mean, I am great with kids! I can make any kids feel comfortable with me in about 2 minutes. I have taught art before and all the kids loved me and followed my instructions without ever questioning my authority. I have always been proud when I babysat my 2 unruly nephews without TV and video games and they didn't misbehave even once.
I had to run errands and drive my sister Jhosel to work (she sprained her ankle while on her NYC vacation) while I have my niece Dynn and my Lola with me. I just started driving again and because I can't take meds when I drive, it was fucking painful! I had to do it to start getting back to the swing of things, of course this also meant that I bleed from the pain everyday. Not fun but gotta get back to the swing of things. The last thing I need when I go back to work is SYSTEM SHOCK! I have been off work for almost two months now and it is a task to simply avoid losing my mind. I remembered 4 years ago when I was on disability for 2 months, I lost my mind the first month and worked on getting it back the second month. Thankfully, I learned from that fiasco and avoided losing the green matter this time around. I have managed to be productive (reading books instead of watching TV) this time around.
Well, playing Mommy made me realize that there is so much more to it than I thought. She is so adorable though and very impressionable... I have to watch my every move and my every word, can't have my usual sailor's mouth. It was hard, probably one of the hardest things I have done. I can't even imagine how single parents do it. It is the hardest job in the world.
Will I ever be really fit to be a mother? Maybe that's why I am reproductively challenged! Yikes!