Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Valentine's Day is coming and I must say I have lost my taste for it. Seven years married this coming April and I am not sure that I could recommend getting married to anyone. Don't get me wrong, I like the fact that I am married specially when I go out with girls and I see the choices of men out there.

Here's my predicament though. I am the breadwinner in the marriage. I bring home the bacon and that's all good except I am also the woman in the marriage. When did wives start supporting their husbands. I am not blaming society or anything, I blam myself becaese I am the one responsible for my own actions. I never really considered divorce as an alternative because frankly --- I don't believe in divorce. Divorse is bull! Why even get married in the first place if you have an option to break up the marriage vows when it gets too hard.

I am shifting gears here - that is a whole other topic. Right now, I want to vent about my sucky marriage.

The seven years --- I have been the financial backbone of the relationship. Why I am staying, because I am a romantic-fatalist of some sort! I do love my husband. He is a musician with GREAT talent and alot of integrity, that's why he have not made it. It's a tough industry and that's why I have been supportive and understanding. Once in a while I crack! Mostly because he would start to nag me on how I budget our finances - my paycheck - and that I should be thrifty! For people who knows me, I have always been pretty spoiled and I mostly get whatever I want.
Since I got married, I have worked hard to maintain a certain degree of lifestyle in which I am accustomed to. If it takes taking sidejobs, then that's what I do, as long as I eat what I want to eat, wear what I want to wear and live where I want to live. This has been my philisophy and I don't apologize for it. This si hard when there is only one paycheck for 2 people because my husband is pretty spoiled himself.

I dream of one day being taken care of my husband financially, so I could live my life a little less stress than I am at present. I want that guy to still be him.