Friday, February 27, 2004

Guess what? Drunk again. Back to that euphoric state. Now I know why I was happy being empty! Because being full didn't mean it will give you happiness. I felt again what I felt before. It's a few minutes before 5 am and I am entirely buzzing. Not that I want people to get drunk and be losers. People have to understand that in the Philippines, there are no AA's or that you have to be 21 to be allowed to drink. Maybe it has changed. But when I was growing up, my Dad prefers me to be drunk than smoking, believe or not....

Anyways, since I have stopped drinking, a little bit of alcohol can get me there, I had 2 glasses of white wine and I am as tipsy as can be. Smiles and tears and everything in between. If I an sober right now, I would hate to read whatever I am writing but as A2 says I almost forgot about that!

The whole thing about the internet fraud was a mess. I finally found a lawyer who is willing to look into it. As for awareness. I would like everyone to be aware of it. See, I thought I was smart until it happened to me....

My head is spinning and I am writing sporadically as thoughts flow - if I could even follow the speed in which it passes thru my brain. All my school life I made a point to not stand out and I will not let the speed in which my brain moves affect how fast I type. After all, I am alcohol-infested. I finally told myself, why did you started questioning your empty happiness before... did you think it was so wrong that you had to change? I may be empty but I was happy. Probably the biggest contradiction in the planet, but that was why I was not willing to share my thoughts. Because it was confusing even me.........

It is now one pass five and I wish I could concentrate on something productive or fall asleep.

This is the start of my exposure to my secret insanity...........